Ask Dr. Conte: How Can I Deal with My Deep-Rooted Anger Before It Pushes Others Away?

Hello Dr. Conte,

I have a lot of deep-rooted anger that has been coming to the surface lately, and it relates to family, finances, work, etc. I am afraid of pushing away the ones I love. What is the best way for me to deal with all of these emotions of anger before I push the ones I love away?


Hi Craig,

First, it’s great that you can recognize that you have deep rooted anger, but second, and probably equally as important, it’s critical that you understand that recognizing it is simply not enough. A great step to take is to sit down with a professional who can help you work through the insights that you need to complete. In the meantime, I think it’s really important for you to make a concerted effort to not only be kind to your loved ones, but also to let them know at least that you’re struggling with internal demons that you’re working on releasing. It can sometimes be a great relief for family members to hear and clearly understand that your anger has nothing to do with them. And then, in addition to making them aware of what’s going on, it’s also vital for you to step up your effort to work on controlling your impulse to show your anger.

It’s natural for us to have anger. Anger is often easier to experience than deep seated pain, but the reality is, the more we lash out in anger in our current situation because of past pain, the more likely we are to cause more present pain, and the cycle continues. Anger is natural, and there’s nothing wrong in and of itself with anger; but there are definitely more and less effective ways to express it. I have a video, Getting Control of Yourself: Anger Management Tools and Techniques that’s available on this site that sounds like it might be right up your alley. In any case, sending you all the best.

Much peace,

Dr. Conte

*Names have been changed for privacy.