There is a great difference between those who give advice and those who demand that their opinions and perspectives be adopted. Advice-givers genuinely offer advice by simply stating their perspectives or opinions, and then letting go; they are disinterested in the outcome. On the other hand, “demanders,” as I call them, merely use the word “advice” as a way to cloak their unyielding demand that listeners adopt their perspectives or opinions “or else” face the consequences. Demanders’ consequences for those who do not immediately adopt their opinions or perspectives range from everything from discontent and disappointment to outright scorn, threats, and even violence, as demanders do not hesitate to actively rally others to share in their contempt for those who do not acquiesce to their “advice.”
The truth is that those who give advice do not share in the responsibility of its failure, but demanders most certainly revel in its success. Demanders often downplay or minimize the role they played in failed advice, saying things like, “I was merely saying my opinion…” but they want full credit for any and all success their advice brings. Worse still, demanders do not keep even a mental note of the countless times they are wrong, yet they proudly record every part of the times they were right.
So are you surrounded by advice-givers or demanders? Do you prefer turning to advice-givers or demanders? Or perhaps most awakening: Are you yourself an advice-giver or a demander?
If you turn to demanders, or even one demander, then it’s wise to understand both their motives and their lack of accountability for what you do; because whereas demanders will not face consequences for the failure of what they say, they will likely feel a sense of power and control over you from any success it brings.
If you yourself are a demander, then learn this powerful lesson now: When you give advice, you do so with no risk but all reward. Be mindful not to create a false sense of achievement simply because you were able to offer a different perspective from the one that the one who turned to you has. On this planet, there are more than 7 billion different perspectives, so your ability to offer a different one from the rest is not unique, because each of the rest can do the same. Your lack of accountability for the results of your advice offer you only a false sense of accomplishment, because giving advice takes neither courage nor risk. It is human nature to minimize or outright forget all the times you were wrong, but burn your successes into your memory, or worse, believe the recipients of your successful advice now owe you. The wise realize all of this, and the humble move forward with this understanding in their foreground.
Demanders are psychologically weak. Demanders are often cowards, or, at the very least, are enacting cowardice every time they falsely believe that others “should” listen to their demands that they cloak as “advice.” Conversely, advice-givers, those who give advice and then let go (remaining disinterested in the outcome even if they are impacted by it), have psychological strength and the awareness of the chasmic difference between giving advice and taking it.