Three men sat in a dark dungeon; two of them were wise, one of them was foolish. The dungeon did not allow any light into it, and soon the foolish man lost his way. At one point, he even forgot how to use utensils. One of the wise men would patiently sit with him in that complete darkness and help him learn to eat anew every day. The other wise man sat off in a corner. The foolish man grew so forgetful that the one wise man had to re-teach him how to eat every single meal, every single day.
At a certain point, the wise man who spent his time helping the foolish one asked the other wise man why he never helped, and this was the reply he got: “Look, you spend every day re-teaching what you have already taught, and every new day you have to begin again. For me, I am not just sitting here in this corner, I am trying to dig a hole in this wall so that the sunlight might come in and all three of us can see everything.
That is the way of teaching. Some teachers go through great and noble effort to continuously teach others the way; whereas others shine light so that people can learn for themselves. And there is a great deal that can be learned from this story that goes well beyond the teacher-student relationship.
I have heard many people say out of frustration, “I’ve told him/her 1000 times, and he/she still doesn’t get it!” The problem, however, was not that people had to repeat themselves; it was that they lacked the awareness to stop repeatedly trying the same approach. Although clichés abound regarding “leading horses to water” and “helping others help themselves,” the reality is, for most people, letting go and trusting that others inherently know is very difficult to do. Sometimes the lack of trust boils down to lack of faith in others’ ability, and sometimes it comes down to impatience. In any case, repeating yourself is one approach to teaching, and shining a light is another.
Teach repeatedly if it’s what works best for you. There is great honor and kindness in taking the time to reiterate what you say. If you feel comfortable saying something 1000 times, then by all means, continue to do so. But if you find yourself living in frustration at others “not getting it,” consider finding a way to make a hole in the wall, so that the light you shine can help others see for themselves.